If you've ever watched a teenager you love go quiet — phone in hand, door closed, saying "I'm fine" when everything about them says otherwise — you already know how helpless that feels. You want to help. You just don't know what help looks like anymore. And if you've tried the obvious things and been met with a shrug, you've probably started to wonder whether you're the problem.
You're not. On the podcast I sat down with youth social worker Daniela Prahovic, who spends her days with young people who've been written off by almost everyone else. What she shared changed the way I think about youth mental health — because almost none of it involves fixing anybody.
Youth Mental Health Isn't About Finding What's Broken
Daniela works from what's called a strengths-based approach, and her reasoning is refreshingly blunt. The anxiety, she says, will still be there whether you talk about it today or in three days. Circling it doesn't shift it. So she starts somewhere else entirely: what is already good about this person?
When a young person she's working with hits a wall, she doesn't analyse the wall. She reaches for evidence they've already given her. Remember when you were so confident the other day? Where's that person? I need that energy right now. It sounds almost too simple, but it interrupts the spiral — and even a minute of interruption is enough to work with.
This matters because most young people have spent years being audited. School reports, comparisons, feedback about what needs improving. Being asked what you're good at, and being taken seriously when you answer, is genuinely unfamiliar territory. It also shifts the power in the conversation, which brings me to the phrase of Daniela's I keep coming back to.
"You're the Expert in Your Own Life"
She says this to every young person she meets. Not as a platitude — as a working principle. She doesn't live with them. She isn't there at 2am. So she asks what will actually work for them, and then helps them put it in place.
Compare that to the usual script, which is an adult prescribing a solution to a life they don't inhabit. One builds ownership. The other builds resistance. And resistance in a teenager looks a lot like not caring, which is almost never what it is.
Here's a small example of what this looks like in practice. During lockdown, many of the young people Daniela worked with couldn't get to the places that restored them. So instead of telling them to cope, she asked what they loved — and then helped them recreate a version of it where they were. A corner of the backyard. A rearranged spot inside. Somewhere that reminded them of the thing that made them feel like themselves. Not a solution she imposed. A solution built from what they already knew about themselves.
Social Media: Learn It Before You Judge It
If there's one piece of advice Daniela gives parents more than any other, it's this — ask your young person to teach you about the platforms they're on.
Not so you can read their messages. So you understand the world they spend their hours in. She's sat with parents and walked them through what Instagram actually looks like, what happens there, where the risks sit. Every one of them was grateful afterwards, because "locked in their room on their phone" stopped being a black box.
But the bigger win is relational. When you ask your child to teach you something, the hierarchy flips. They're the expert. You're curious. That's a completely different conversation from the one that starts with "get off that thing."
Some parents told her flatly they didn't want to know — we didn't have this growing up. True. And also beside the point. It's the world your child lives in now, and you can't support someone through a world you refuse to look at.
The flip side is worth naming too. A lot of what young people absorb on social media during a crisis is fear, and much of it isn't even accurate. There's no filter separating fact from exaggeration. Deliberate time away from screens — properly away, not just switching apps — is one of the simplest interventions available. Connection with what's physically around us pulls us back into the present in a way scrolling never will.
Support the Path, Not the Path You Pictured
The other flashpoint Daniela sees is choices after school. A generation ago the options were narrow: finish Year 12, then university or a job. Now there are apprenticeships, short courses, TAFE, a year of travel, skills-based programs. Young people are disengaging from school as early as twelve — and, as she points out, they're doing it for a reason worth understanding rather than punishing.
When a young person wants a different path, her advice to parents is to explore it with them. Map the pros and cons together. Talk honestly about the practicalities. Don't hand down a verdict.
Daniela is a trained mediator, and she's worked with hundreds of young people who left home over conflicts exactly like this. Her view is that most of it is preventable — if parents are brought into the conversation early rather than positioned as the obstacle. Your child may not thank you externally. Internally, they'll feel backed, and a young person who feels backed makes better decisions.
Key Takeaways
- Start with strengths, not symptoms. Ask what they're already good at, and reflect it back when they're struggling.
- Treat them as the expert on their own life. Ask what will work for them, then help them implement it.
- Ask to be taught about social media. It builds understanding and flips the dynamic in your favour.
- Build screen-free time into the week. Fear and distortion travel fast online; presence is the antidote.
- Recreate what restores them, wherever they are. A small space that reminds them of something they love does real work.
- Explore their chosen path instead of vetoing it. Map it out together — this is where most family conflict is avoided.
This Isn't Just a Youth Conversation
What struck me most is how little of this is age-specific. People in their thirties, forties and fifties approach Daniela with the same questions — self-esteem, confidence speaking up, not knowing where they belong. Colonel Sanders found his spark in his seventies. The search doesn't come with a deadline.
Her starting exercise works at any age: put your name in the middle of a page and map outwards. What are you good at? What have you already navigated to get to the age you are? Then the second question — what do you love doing? When the answers to both overlap, mornings stop being something you have to push through.
This is the heart of how I work at me&my wellness. Whether we're talking about a teenager's anxiety, an adult's burnout or someone's gut health, I don't start with a template. I start with the person in front of me — what's already strong, what they actually value, what they're willing to sustain. Health that's imposed doesn't last. Health built from someone's own strengths does. Youth mental health follows exactly the same rule.
Want to go deeper on this? Book a free 30-minute discovery call with Anthony at meandmywellness.com.au