Understanding Sleep's Impact on Men's Mental Health

A third of your life is spent asleep. You can either work at getting it right, or get by without it and hope for the best. Most of us do the second one, and it costs us more than we realise.

I sat down with Reuben and Matt Robinson on the Men's Mental Health Show on Radio Blue Mountains to talk about exactly that. It was the first time in 241 episodes the show had dug into sleep. Press play below, and read on for the main ideas.

Why we struggle to switch off

Once upon a time, bad news took a long time to reach you. Now a story from a remote village on the other side of the world lands on your phone within seconds. Our nervous systems were built to scan for threats, and the 24/7 news cycle keeps that alarm ringing.

Add bright screens, endless entertainment and the habit of reaching for a distraction whenever something uncomfortable comes up, and it is no surprise our sleep suffers. Likes and comments feel good for a moment. But in the next quiet moment, the thought comes straight back.

Take action instead of avoiding

The only way to bring order to a stressed nervous system is to do something about what is stressing it. Jeff Bezos has said the best way to handle stress is to take action. Avoiding the problem is not action. It just kicks the can down the road, and the can always comes back.

Why men get stuck

This is where male stoicism catches us out. Many of us don't talk about what is bothering us. When you talk it through with someone, you engage the rational parts of your brain, and a friend can tell you when a worry sounds far-fetched. When you bottle it up, it stays irrational.

The quietest time of the day is night, so that is when bottled-up thoughts flood in. One negative thought leads to another, and it spirals. That is how a daytime problem becomes a sleep problem.

Screens, light and your body clock

Phone and computer screens are mostly blue light, which gives the brain a clear message that it is midday. Midday is the time for cortisol. To drift off, we need melatonin.

A few simple changes help:

• Use the night or lighting settings on your phone and computer so the screen shifts to a warmer filter when the sun goes down.
• Read a book if you can, because the light is on the page rather than shining into your eyes.
• Bring natural light into your home during the day and let the lights drop as evening comes, so your brain can see that it is getting dark.
• Use the moment you reach for your phone as a trigger to stop and do something else.

Routine: the same bedtime and wake time

If you do one thing, build a routine around sleep. The most important part is a consistent bedtime and wake time. The exact times are up to you and depend on whether you are a morning or a night person.

Ignoring it creates a jet lag effect. We are human and we like a late night now and then. When it happens, get up at sunrise the next morning to help reset your body clock, rather than sleeping in.

Find your own sweet spot

Research points to 7 to 9 hours for most people, but some function well on less and others need more. Some people feel worse after 9 hours and others feel better after 10. Finding your number is a bit of trial and error, and that is fine.

Watch the agitators in the evening

When we are agitated, our breathing becomes shallow and fast. At night we want to slow it down, so avoid whatever winds you up:

• People who agitate you. Don't have that conversation at bedtime.
• Exercise too close to bed. Exercise is great, at the right time of day.
• Spicy food late at night.

Slow your breath, slow your body

Breathing costs nothing and we all do it, which makes it one of the easiest ways to settle your nervous system. As the breath slows, your metabolic rate slows, and the body gets the message that it is time for restoration. Not every breathing technique helps you fall asleep, so choose one that suits sleep.

Find what works for you

Some people swear by cold plunges, a cold shower or a few splashes of cold water on the face in the morning. Others prefer breath work. Pick the thing you actually enjoy, because that is where self-regulation happens. If something feels like a chore, it will be hard to stick to. Not every tip will suit everyone, and that's okay.

Keep your "why"

Every habit needs a strong reason behind it. Over time the reason fades, so keep asking yourself why you started and why it matters to you. That connection is what keeps the habit going when motivation dips.

Listen to the full conversation

You can hear the whole interview on the Men's Mental Health Show on Spotify. Thank you to Reuben and Matt for the great conversation, and to Radio Blue Mountains.

If you'd like help working out where your sleep is breaking down, I offer a free 15-minute clarity call through me&my wellness.