How to Achieve your Goals – a Step by Step Process using NLP and Disney Planning Strategy
me&my health up podcast episode #19 – Transcript
Anthony Hartcher 0:00
Welcome to another amazing episode of health up with your host Anthony Hartcher. Health up seeks to enhance and enlighten your well being and today we are blessed to have NLP practitioner. Oxana Johnson. How are you? Oksana?
Oxana Johnson 0:15
I’m very well thank you so much. And thanks for having me. It’s my pleasure. I’m really excited.
Anthony Hartcher 0:22
Oksana specialises in helping people how to eat an elephant one bite at a time alerts, particularly the topic we’re going to be talking about today. So I just wanted to grab your interest, and we’re going to delve into it. So she’ll be certainly imparting her wisdom and on her techniques on how she helps people achieve the goals that they essentially want to achieve, no matter how big how hairy or how audacious they are. Oksana is that person to help you achieve those goals. So we’re going to dig a little deeper into that. And certainly, my first question for Oksana is how she’s got to where she is today. Please share a little story about your journey.
Oxana Johnson 1:08
Absolutely. I would love to. I love humans. I love stories. I love human stories, and everyone definitely has one. So my journey started back in 2008 When I came to Australia to study to do my bachelor’s at the time, which is something very, very generic, just the international business as well probably do. Because we have no idea when we’re teenagers, what is that that we want to do with our lives? But my journey was always about the sense of identity and discovering. Why are we here? What is my why? What drives me? And what is my purpose, basically. So the long story short along the way of arriving to Australia, and obviously, with very, very different lifestyle and values and traditions and beliefs. That was all kind of enlightening in a way. Because people actually can be living differently, and they can act differently. And at first, I loved how open everyone is and how nice everyone is. But then all of a sudden that actually kind of did the 180 approach backflip for me that I’ve started questioning, is that actually genuine? What do they want from me? People cannot be nice, just because like what is it that they want from me? And then it kind of started slowly spiralling down into bigger and more in depth questions of existence, like, what’s the point of all of this? Why am I here? You know, and it’s kind of good to have those questions over a couple of glasses of wine with your friends and then let it go. But for me again, it was on such a deep and meaningful level of identity that I spiralled down into very deep and dark places with depression and anxiety. So through my 20s Being based in Sydney, I’ve went through the clinical system, as I call it through Medicare. But the way that I would describe it for me it was just like a bandaid effect. And don’t get me wrong clinical system exists for a reason. It definitely there to adapt and to help people with a chemical imbalance. But for others that are having more existential crisis like it was me, I don’t think that’s the best suitable option. So the way it was just a bandaid effect, because I would go in I remember changing different practitioners well in pain, they will ask me the same set of questions, then they will analyse me try to figure me out, then they will, based on their model of the world, tell me what to do. So I will have a little plan of action, I will go do it. But because those answers were not coming from me because they were not asking the right set of questions, everything would just relapse back in a week or two or in a month, it was not sustainable. So and the reason why, because I could not accept it right? Despite the fact that we already created awareness of it, it was not coming from me, so I was not accepting it. And that’s why any action taken was not sustainable. Anyway, long story short, that was my 10 years of figuring out what to do and how to live with the headspace. This is when I say I do what I do is clearing brain fog, right, because it’s definitely coming from the experiences that I’ve had. But the kind of my life literally changed, you know, those moments before and after. So it was before and after NLP. And I came across an OP that stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming as a form of psychotherapy when we were still based in Singapore a couple of years ago. And basically, it was a form of the way that I embarked in my self discovery journey. It was just pure form of self discovery, right? So I had no intention of moving on to coaching whatsoever. It was just about how to deal with this and what to do with it. And the way that I describe it after I’ve done my practitioner-in in house certification. I haven’t felt so clean ever in my life. Everything just made sense. Everything was aligned and it was It was just so comfortable. And there was this very, very liberating sense of trust, you know that everything is going to be okay. And it was coming from within. So then I moved on, I was fascinated with the way how we can communicate our unconscious mind how we can erase those patterns of unwanted behaviours, and thought processes of actually becoming, and managing our resources states, I moved on to doing my Master Practitioner. And after I’ve done that, we just gave me more tools in my toolbox and techniques. I’ve started more, not just helping myself, but also helping you know how it grows, friends, friends are friends, and then friends of friends. And then it was just kind of little community around it, which was brilliant. And when we came back to Sydney, from Singapore, instead of getting, you know, another corporate job that I most likely hate, I just decided to take a leap of faith and embark on this journey of establishing my little private practice online, where still, to this day, the majority of the clients that I work with, they’re global, because I am working through zoom glass technology when it works. And then basically, haven’t really looked back. And that’s all coming from that compounding effect of energy when you are true to yourself. And when you’re living to your honest values and beliefs that just life happens. But ultimately with NLP is there are different areas of NLP. There is the side of coaching, that’s what we’re going to touch upon a little bit today about how to eat an elephant. But also there is the state management and also the communication bit. So that was me, that’s a super long introduction. But here you go. It’s nice to be here.
Anthony Hartcher 6:39
But it’s lovely to hear your journey, and how you come to where you are arrived today. And it’s your calling, it’s your purpose, you know, that that’s that fog is now lifted for you, you have absolute clarity as to why you’re doing it and what you’re here for. And, and I think it’s fantastic. Because you know, you can now be given that you’ve walked the journey, and you’re a trained practitioner, and then LP you can help others through this journey. So well. So it was great to hear the story. So thank you for sharing, Oksana. really keen, you mentioned that word, are very excited about how to eat an elephant one bite at a time. Yeah,
Oxana Johnson 7:23
absolutely. Well, let’s jump into it. Let me just their intention, as I mentioned, what is I think we need to just start very, very briefly on what is NLP, right. And NLP as I mentioned, it starts it stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming, and nearly linguistics, programming neuro it’s all about the brain, right? It’s literally how the brain is regulating all of our body through hormones, right. But then with how this system usually is happening is through the sets of emotions that we’re feeling. And then there are political reactions in the body that are producing those chemicals. And then there’s the response happens much more quickly, what I just tried to sell in a very, very concise way, it literally happens like this, then we talk about linguistics, which is language. And language is just something that not necessarily only how we communicate to each other, but also linguistics. It’s how we talk to ourselves. And this is so important is that good old internal dialogue. And if you are not aware of it yet, maybe today is a good day to start actually paying attention and creating that awareness of how are you talking to yourself? Are you being a bully to yourself? Or are you actually being nice? What are you saying? Or is it even your voice? Whose voice are you actually set like hearing in the back of your head and programming it? Very, very straightforward. So it’s the repetitiveness of actions that creating habits, routines, programming, it’s those actions that we don’t really think about, they’re happening. They’re they’re happening on the autopilot, those are programming, but as you’re aware, as well, some of them can be beneficial. And some of them can actually hold you back to your living to your potential, right. Just kind of, yeah, we’re not going to go into you know, the NLP stuff. Everyone can Google it, I think if they want to where they can give us a call, we can talk them through, basically. Therapy Exactly. Very briefly. It’s started in 1970s. In in the US, and what they’ve done, they basically, John Grinda, and Richard Bandler. They are two godfathers of NLP. But what they’ve done they were basically watching people and how NLP was born. It was all about modeling the behaviours and actions that were creating resourceful results, right. So they actually modelled three people. The first one is Virginia Satir. And she was their family counsellor, and what they’ve met modelled from her behaviour There was that amazing sense of rapport that she could create with her clients. So something very, very basic as an example would be, if she would be talking to a child, she would literally because she was like very, very tall lady, she would literally sit down. So they will have the same. They were able to look at the eye to eye contact at the same level. So it’s not like you know, very often we see like, in whatever supermarkets that parents talk to their kids up, down, and it’s very, very condescending. But as soon as you literally change your body language to adapt to someone else, that’s how you create rapport. That’s why how the message that you’re trying to convey to someone, what’s that, what’s literally the words, they’re going to be heard and understood, and not just like coming from one ear go through another. So the second gentleman it was the father of Gestalt therapy, therapy, I always say their therapy Gestalt, and his name is Fritz Perls. And basically, it’s all about anchoring. It’s all about when something happens as that has a very, very high emotional response, your body is going to remember it. For instance, I’ll give you an example. When you walk down the bakery on a Sunday afternoon, a morning, probably better, and you smell that freshly baked bread, you would most likely if that happened to you, you would literally be brought back into the kitchen where your grandma was making cookies. And you would actually remember what you were wearing, and what colour the shoes were. So those types, this is the example of good anchoring. Unfortunately, sometimes in the unresolvable states, that’s when it can be brought into something that you know, that was not really beneficial for you, but that can be cleared. And last, it’s all about language. And it’s hypnosis, Milton Erickson, he is the father of hypnosis, and hypnotic language, and the way that we talk to ourselves and people around us, it’s all about the structure of the sentences and the particular phrases that can be used to create that communication with the unconscious mind. And then NLP is communicating all with the unconscious mind. So not the 5% of the monkey brain that we operate and analyse. It’s the vastness of that storage space where all of our memories are, well, sometimes you’d probably know when you have dreams, and you would be like, I have no idea where that came from. But it’s all happening in your psychic.
So moving on to the actual, I guess, topic of how do we eat an elephant. This is the reason why it came about was because I’ve been having through the amazing COVID life that we’re living COVID-19 I remember the beginning we I was having conversations with my clients, and it was all about state management, it was all about remembering to breathe, and what should we do to sleep better. And you know, if we have anxiety, how we can actually manage it. It’s all about the state management and headspace. Whereas now I’m noticing we’re kind of, because it’s been already a couple of months, right? So we’re slowly adapting and creating new routines. And we understand that we can’t change. So now it’s all about moving into the coaching conversation about strategy and about goal setting. And it’s all about this is what happens. So what are we going to do about it, we definitely cannot change it right? There are two approaches that I would love to share. And they’re very, very simple. And that’s the beauty of NLP. And that’s why I’m an advocate of NLP. It’s not rocket science, and it works. It’s just literally creating that awareness and allowing your brain to process information in a little bit of a different way. For instance, how do you eat an elephant, one small bite at a time. Everything big consists of small pieces. And if you can break down your goals or dreams, desires, whatever that might be into small accessible steps. That’s exactly how they’re going to become achievable. More importantly, as well, you’re going to feel in control and you’re going to feel like you are achieving things because you are able to track them. But before we even move into identifying the steps of the goal setting, let’s jump into an understanding that there are different parts of ourselves in our psychic right So Carl Jung actually started but with NLP process, we are looking at modeling behaviour of Disney, Walt Disney. So and Walt Disney, obviously the famous cartoonist, not I think they’re just doing I think it just took him down a notch famous cartoon. It’s Walt Disney, the guy with Disney the way that he would come across life and he is planning agenda is understanding that there are three different personalities that are living within us, right. So there is a dreamer. There is the realist, and there is the constructive critic. And the beauty of it is to acknowledge the fact that all of them need to coexist in amazing synergy. And the reason why they’re there each has a job to do. The dreamer is the personality when we tap into the Anything is possible, literally the dreamer, you dream so big, you make it so visual, and you make it as desirable as possible, like literally kind of like reframing in a way of if you had a magic wand, and anything would be possible, what would that be? So dream big, that’s your dream, then comes in the realist, and obviously, we do need to have that guy or lady, whatever you want it to be, or an in that part of us. It’s all about constructive. It’s all about structure. It’s all about plans and bullet points. And, you know, all of those things are going to have you steps. And that’s when you plan, what actually it’s all about doing. It’s all about kinesthetic, what do you need to do? For that dream, whatever you’ve just kind of outlined what needs to happen. And that’s when you start just writing all of those to do lists. That’s why it’s so good. I find all of those great ideas for me for some reason, it’s such a probably cliche, but they do come in a shower, maybe there is something about the whatever the energy of the water, or whatever it is, but some people have the little notepad when they sleep right just to make sure because so you don’t lose it. Because it’s some sometimes it happens so quickly with all of those steps. Last but not least, we do need to have it and it’s called a constructive critic. Very, very important here to understand not that negative self talk that is not constructive. The critic is the one that is constructive. And it just basically asking all those questions of what actually needs to happen for this dream to be alive. So you’re basically thinking of all of those questions of what if, and even you can take it a step further and ask all of those questions that the critic has asked your dreamer, being in that state that anything. And when they communicate, you again, come up with a to do list of things, and you put it into your to do list. And that’s your real list, that’s going to do it for you. So ultimately, this is a process. And I’m happy to share, as I mentioned, to Anthony as well, just the process of step by step. But ultimately, just remember, all of those three, they live in synergy. And we all have them, it’s just a matter of whether you acknowledge their existence and what to do. As soon as you identify that, and just that pattern, we can move on actually to have something a bit more constructive. And this is the good old step by step. It’s called well formed outcome. And ultimately what it is that are just nine steps, right, I’m gonna talk you through it in a very, very basic kind of language, as well, if someone would like to have a copy of the details, happy to share. So believe it or not, whenever you start planning something, it’s a good idea to take everything from here from your head, onto paper, or if you hate writing, like me, I do voice calls of work or like the audio things, right? So basically, what you’re doing, you are making it from the fantasy lens you’re putting into something, you’re bringing it to reality and making it one step closer. With this nine step process. That’s what you’re slowly starting to put little meat on the bones right of actually making it desirable. So the first one is literally what is that the specifically that you want? How specifically what is it that you want? Not necessarily Okay, let me break it down to something very, I don’t know, basic the car, what sort of car what colour it is, what model it is, what year it is exactly what it is, even, we can probably take this one step further. And if you’re a visual person, you can create a mood board, or a visual board, whatever you want to call it. But literally you are making your dream so desirable, that you just can not have it. So then you move on to what’s the purpose of like, why do you want it? But why do you want it? It’s a very basic question. It’s like, why? Because that’s not good enough. We need to actually understand what’s the purpose? What is the purpose? For what purpose? Do you want this? What would happen if you don’t have it? What would happen if you do play around with the entire options of your life, how your life would actually change from this? Then you ask yourself, Okay, fair enough. Then moving to step three, what is actually currently in your control for you to achieve this? What can you do? And this one, we’re starting to plan those little step by step steps to get to the goal. And then you need to actually understand and even tap into your imagination and again, like bring that dreamer into the picture. When and when and how specifically, will you have this? And this is so important. I cannot stress enough how much important it is. I think we all are aware those very big buzzwords of visualisation and you know manifestation and all of these guys they actually work. I know it might sound that it’s all who ha. But if you just allow yourself and understand it If you can imagine it in your head, and then your hand, you can actually see it in your reality. Because what you’re doing, you’re programming your unconscious mind, and your life is going to change in the way you want it to be. The reason why people are not very comfortable talking about this is that as soon as you allow, and except that you can do anything, it’s very, very hard to control you. So that’s when it becomes, you know, literally the sky’s the limit. So go crazy. When where it would be useful, then basically, we need to make it even more vivid, you need to give a description of vac. So Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic, you need to feel and you need to describe how that leather seat would feel. You need to feel and describe how the fresh scent of the whatever the interior of the car, those little details, this is so so important. But also even understand you can look at the car, but how do you know that this is your car? Will you have your number plates specially made or Reggio? How would you know specifics all about specifics? And then basically, you tap in again into the planning? What steps do you need to take? So remember, we mentioned what’s in your power? That’s great. But now actually, it’s all about the to do list continue on that to do list with the realist. And then again, the last two steps as well. How would you know that you have it? What would be their significance and what would be actually the evidence that your dream it came true your goal, dream, whatever, whatever, whatever floats your boat, dream or goal, I like dreams. And also last but not least, this is very, very important. And this is something that we tap into in an LP land is all about ecology. So you need to be aware that your desired outcome is not hurting anyone. And it’s not hurtful for you. And it’s not actually doing anyone anything bad. Because if you do, you know the good saying that karma is up, we all know. So here we go. And it’s just something that’s so simple. Probably a lot of talking from my side, but when you will have a look at it. On those simple steps or a piece of paper and you start creating your dream, you are already halfway there. So here you go. I hope that’s helpful.
Anthony Hartcher 22:20
Absolutely, Oksana, it was very helpful, and certainly got a much clearer understanding of how to break down that, you know, that big goal or the big dream you have into more realistic bite sized pieces and, and then be able to then, you know, work out whether you’re progressing in the right direction by having those right measurement tools, you know, how do you know you’re actually progressing in the direction of that big goal? The question I have is, you know when you embark on that journey, there’s, you know, life reality hits in, and like things like COVID-19, or sudden pop into the equation, and I didn’t plan for that I didn’t know would have a pandemic during this period. So just some tips on how to, you know, navigate these obstacles when you’re on this path towards your dream?
Oxana Johnson 23:09
Absolutely. What a great question. The very, very first step of that journey is tapping into that state management. And it’s understanding and accepting that we cannot change what we cannot change, right? Another very, very big thing is to understand that we’re humans not even understand I think we’re pretty aware we’re humans, but to actually allow ourselves to experience the entire range of emotions. Just feel your feelings, it’s okay. It’s all about if you are not, if you haven’t been brought up in a household, you know, where it’s okay to be vulnerable, then start creating those routines where you can and creates me time create your time, what is your time? When are you actually being nice to yourself? Again, the good old buzzword now is meditation. But literally, Okay, fair enough. It’s not necessarily that you need to sit for 20 minutes with closed eyes and force yourself to do something. That’s if it’s not your style, don’t do it. Find your way. What is it your way to, first of all, take care of yourself, because a good old aviation metaphor is that make sure you’re putting the oxygen mask on to yourself first before helping others. Because if you’re not taking care of this, everyone else around is missing out. It’s just this compounding effect of energy. As soon as and this is a hope that even this little talk whatever conversation is creating that awareness that we think that we are different, but we actually are pretty similar and we all connected in a way of how to tie up with the dream. So when you are in control of your headspace, and when you’re more emotional, intelligent, and you’re aware, that’s when your resilience anything is possible. And yes, it’s not going according to the plan. But that was the old plan. We are constantly changing literally what they say the only constant is change. right in this world, and if you do need to look into changing the goals will probably be something you need to set as well as a timeline of when you would like this to happen. And then will be How often would you like to revise it? And obviously, if something like pandemic happens, happens, happens, that’s an emergency. So you do need to go and revise your dreams and see the Google question, what is it in my power to do now? What can you do? Because you’re not, you know, I wish we all had magic wands, but that would be probably a very, very messy encounter in this world with our values. But what is it that you can do, it’s all about the three good days, that’s another problem you hope to take away, that will be helpful. It’s awareness, acceptance, and action. When you’re aware, okay, when you’re aware, it’s amazing, because you don’t know what you don’t know. It’s simple. You don’t know what you don’t know, as soon as you know, you’re aware, awesome. You have your first day, then it’s acceptance. And this is the one that we jumped so quickly, remember the story with me and my clinical stuff? Because it’s like, you’re aware, let’s do something about it. But how is it can be sustainable if you have not felt your feelings? And you said with it, so this is your acceptance bit. So awareness, acceptance, and action. And it’s all about, you know, again, another buzzword. It’s all about the flow. It’s not necessarily the flow state, the flow of energy, the flow of life, it’s all about flexibility. And if it’s, again, if it’s not your way, well, that doesn’t need to be according to whom, like, what would happen, just imagine what would happen if you look at things a little bit differently, the entire world can be different can’t it. So yeah, absolutely.
Anthony Hartcher 26:41
Absolutely. Changing that lens at which you’re looking at the world, changing that filter, in which you see the world. And yeah, I really like those, that’s really a concept. First of all, being aware, you have to have that awareness in order to progress. And then that second bit of acceptance, so you know, like it is you said, if we’re in denial, then we can’t move forward, because we’re in denial that the events happened, right. So really like that, you know, you have to go through that phase of acceptance. And then once you’re accepted that you’re ready for action, and to, as you said, if you may need to reset the goals or the timeline based on the events, or you may need to look at a different pathway, you know, a plan B or or that another buzzword is that. Exactly, yeah. So they’re really helpful and very much, you know, shed some knowledge as to how people can tackle some big goals and, and now’s a great time to rethink what you’re doing, and whether you’re on the right path, given you know, what’s happened, we’ve got more time to reflect. So I think it’s a great time for viewers to, you know, particularly after this talk to, you know, think about their life and their direction as to whether, you know, that they may be in an industry where employments not great at the moment, because those industries are shut down, such as tourism, or, you know, retail is not great events, and is not great, they’re just not happening. And so, you know, these people are sitting and thinking, do I wait for these, you know, this to open up and who knows, when that is, as you said, there’s, we’ve got life can only focus on what we got in control, that I really like that sort of reflection as to whether I was on the right path, and maybe do that dreamy exercise become the dreaming person. And then, as you said, you can create a vision board and then you know, certainly, you know, get in touch with someone like you that walks the talk, and, you know, and walk the talk as well and walk the path as to how they can, you know, correctly structure that big goal into bite sized pieces that are measurable. And you know, and I guess the other part of the work you do is hold them accountable. right to you. Yeah, yeah.
Oxana Johnson 29:13
So very, very briefly, like what you’ve touched upon in terms of you know, what’s happening, what we can control, just the very, very quick powerful reframe as well. Just stop asking, Why is this happening to me, but ask instead, what is it trying to teach me? What is it trying to show me what are the possibilities? Because as soon as it’s kind of like, you know, we only can control what we can control which is our headspace. Just do whatever makes you feel good. And if the playing with words, that’s the Linguistics of it, you can again create a different awareness and it’s all going to that steps. Totally.
Anthony Hartcher 29:45
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like how you refer to that element of self care and initially checking in with self and making sure you know, or checking the status of health urine, you know, whether you’re anxious Are you feeling a bit down? So being, you know, I guess in connection with that feeling and then recognising it, and then doing that self care to help lift you out of that state, as you said, the hashtag the awareness for that it’s happening. So fantastic tips and how can people get in touch with you if they’d like some guidance on their journey to tackle that big elephant or that big dream of theirs?
Oxana Johnson 30:25
Sure. It’s very simple. Probably the best way to jump on is going to be just the website, which is oxanajohnson.com. And then all of the little, you know, the tips too, and the links to the oldest socials, I’m quite active on LinkedIn, and on Facebook. And also, you know, there is also a very beautiful resource free resource that I’ve created. It’s a guided meditation, it’s only 10 minutes, you can download it as well. Just very, very good for that state management. And yeah, as always save anything at all. I’m always just a message away. So look forward to Yes.
Anthony Hartcher 31:01
And that meditation download that’s available on the website is onoxanajohnson.com. That’s fantastic. And I’ll incorporate that link into where I post this so that people have that direct link to your website. Amazing. Fantastic. Yeah, thank you so much for your time. I really appreciated Oksana, it was very insightful, and it was a pleasure so thank you so much. Take care
Transcribed by https://otter.ai