Growth Through Adversity with Wayne Forrest

me&my health up podcast episode #79 – Transcript

Wayne Forrest 0:00
In the dying minutes of their game, that ego created the opportunity for me to make a mistake, and a split second, I put my head between my shoulder and dislocated my neck and all of a sudden a few days later, about four or five, I woke up and was like I had no movement. So I went from this very ego II, ego, physical guy, to not being able to even feed myself.

Anthony Hartcher 0:35
Welcome to the Me&My health up podcasts. That was the remarkable, inspirational, and kind-hearted Wayne Forrest, a Life Mastery consultant, father, grandfather, and retired farmer from Hawke’s Bay, New Zealand. Today, we’re discussing growth through adversity, how to grow and thrive from the global pandemic. I’m your host, Anthony Hartcher, clinical nutritionist and lifestyle medicine specialist and with me today is Wayne Forrest. Welcome, why and how are you today?

Wayne Forrest 1:12
Great. Thanks Anthony and thank you for the warm welcome and it’s great to be here with you.

Anthony Hartcher 1:18
Such a delight to have you on I watched your TED Talk multiple times over and I must say after watching it the second time, it brought tears to my eyes. So I was actually really moved by it the first time I think I was too much into well, probably not enough into the story and trying to get some information out for this podcast and, and so I was in that sort of work mode but then the second time I really got into your story and yeah, I was shedding tears.

So a so inspired, well I feel very grateful to have you on this podcast, and I’m sure the listeners will get so much out of what you’ve got to share with them around how you have grown through adversity and I’d love for you to share that you know, I guess how you’ve been able to do that through your circumstances and then also just to pass the wisdom to the listeners as to how can they grow from this? You know, this really hard period we’ve been in and we’re still in today. I do I did. Where are you doing this recording from?

Wayne Forrest 2:32
Hawke’s Bay in New Zealand so we don’t have COVID in our community, we do have it in Auckland at the moment but not where I live so we’ve got lesser restrictions we still got some but we’re at level two restrictions. So right we still got reasonable good freedom.

Anthony Hartcher 2:56
Yeah, which is nice. Such a lovely area, I have been to Hawke’s Bay and its beautiful area of New Zealand so I can see why you still residing there today.

Wayne Forrest 3:06
Yeah, yeah, I wasn’t born far from here, in a little place called Tauranga, it’s not far from the longest place name actually. I grew up on the same little hill range as a kid so yeah, it’s a great little place.

Anthony Hartcher 3:27
So love you to share you know more about your upbringing and how you’ve arrived at being a Life Mastery consultant today is that journey. I really love hearing that story so please, please share with listeners.

Wayne Forrest 3:43
I was born pretty much into a farming community in a little country farming town and I just loved it. Right from day dot, I ended up on the front of my grandfather’s horse, before I could even walk, really just totally immersed myself in farming and then one day someone said I had to go to school. I was pretty iffy about that, I didn’t want to try to run away a couple of times. But school had sport, and I enjoyed the sport. Very so grew up in that rule, physical, community, and background. My dad loved sport, was pretty good at it and so going through the ages, sport then came number two from farming.

So every minute I didn’t have to go to school I was pretty much either farming or it was sport, you know and typical Kiwi, bloke sort of lifestyle from the country and very ego as well. Their ego, then drove me to want to be the best, and those two genres. So after school, I started up a couple of businesses, one shearing sheep, and the other one leasing a family property, farming, and also playing rugby for my local club, I happen to be just a normal Saturday, I’d been working went to my game, we were short on numbers.

So I was asked to lead as captain and in the dying minutes of that game, that ego created the opportunity for me to make a mistake and, and a split second, I put my head between my shoulder and dislocated my neck, and all of a sudden, a few days later, about four or five, I woke up and it was like I had no movement. So I went from this very ego II, ego physical guy, to not being able to even feed myself. I couldn’t move my hands, which I can’t still do today. But there were a lot of emotions in that time, a lot of anxiety, a lot of fear, a lot of shame, as well,, of being this real man’s man to all of the sudden not being able to move.

I was married, I had twin daughters at the time of 16 months. So you had all these sorts, you know, I’m not very good, I’m not a real husband. I’m not, how am I going to be a real dad and I remember actually, one of the girls when they came to visit me, just picking a wobbly and my first instinct was to come to pick her up and I couldn’t move. Just that hit me like a ton of bricks and so I had to either make the decision, lie there and wallow in my pity, and don’t get me wrong, I had my moments or get up and start creating our life and I’m so grateful.

Looking back that I took that decision to get up and do what I could with what I had and over time, I got stronger and ended up wheeling out of that hospital, which the doctor said would be an electric wheelchair. So I made gains that even they fought I wouldn’t and those early days. But then I went back to the farm and because that was my first love, I had a strong vision to make that happen and by living into that I got strong enough to drive, and driving actually opened up that ability to then get something adapted for my farm, and then I could start running that family farm again and once I achieved that, it was quite a big goal at the beginning.

It was quite a big dream and all of a sudden, something really weird happened was that it wasn’t enough anymore. That first love was like, oh, I want another challenge, I want something that’s going to push me again. I quite often say this in my talks, be careful what you ask for because good old universe gave me an email virtually that day or if not that day, the day after pretty much invited me to a course that was for outdoor activities, extreme outdoor activities for people with disabilities integrated with people without and I thought wow, how am I going to do some of these things are talking about like scuba diving and paragliding, I’ve got no balance.

No, I I’m in a wheelchair and at that time I had these limitations in my head and but when I got on the courses, it was a real level playing field for the people with disabilities and the people without and there were people there that were struggling with heights or, or water or been underwater or whitewater rapids or whatever that was and I noticed that I was helping people expand or push into their own limitations and expand them or push through them and that was my first taste of helping someone else and I really loved that.

I loved that so much, because it made me feel better about my circumstances and so that was my first taste of getting into helping others and so from there, I did some mentoring at a local college, young men that were struggling to stay in school and, but there was still a call for personal development on my site. So I got into that, my now wife, who I’ve been with a number of years, I suppose it’s nearly 20 but we’ve been married 10. She has always been my muse and she gave me a name or messaged me this lady called Mary Marcy and Mary is the founder of the Brave Thinking Institute and I did an online course with her and she sent us two free tickets to her three day live weekend over in LA.

So we went, there was something in me that was just going to do it. So I did it and I got over there and just felt so much at home, that I knew that I wanted to become a Life Mastery Consultant, through her Brave Thinking Institute, and the rest is history. I’ve been coaching for the last four years, and I just love being able to help others see that potential that so often we don’t see in ourselves, and we all have that potential to it’s, it’s a beautiful thing to be able to see someone blossom into a life that they absolutely love. So yeah.

Anthony Hartcher 12:31
As I was going to ask you Wayne, you’re in that hospital, and you know, I guess, going through that events in terms of probably I don’t know if you could replay it in your mind, whether, but how did you go? Because in order to move on in life, we have to accept that what’s happened? And did it just happen in a light bulb moment to you? Or was it actually a process that, that you went through in order to accept the you know, that the accidents happen, that you made a mistake? And how are you? Yeah, I’m just curious as to how that acceptance process went for you in that situation where you found yourself now physically, not having the ability that used to have.

Wayne Forrest 13:19
Fantastic question and there’s no right or wrong answer to that one as well. It’s, it’s, it’s quite, there were moments where are we get pieces of that acceptance. I like to say it’s very much like losing your best friend, inner death, you know, the ego of the physical side of myself. I’ve had to mourn for him and bury him and start again, start afresh and each day over time, you get easier and easier and easier to, to live into the new possibility of who you becoming and so, yeah, it is looking into the face of that mourning of their pain and, and acknowledging it and then deciding we’re choosing because as human beings, I like to say that we are spiritual beings having a human experience and in this experience, we get to choose certain things.

I might not have been able to choose that accident. Here I do believe that I kind of created it subconsciously. But we do get to choose how we show up and there was somewhere in that moment where I decided, subconsciously to show up and keep showing up, and because I’ve done that, I’ve created so much amazing experiences in my life. You know, yes my first marriage, I didn’t say this in my, my intro, but we separated.

It was in trouble before the accident but I’ve created a beautiful relationship with my now wife. Instead of having two kids, I’ve now got four kids, I’ve got you know three grandchildren, I’ve run a farm with the help of my now wife, that’s how long we’ve been together. We’ve created businesses, I’m coaching, I’m, got a full life, even though I’ve, I’ve had physical limitations where I’ve had to recreate myself. So, yes, to answer your answer, it is during that simple process of looking at the problem, and, or the challenge, and acknowledging but also choosing to say, right, I’m moving on.

Anthony Hartcher 16:30
You know, I can’t fathom it myself, obviously and it’s just remarkable in terms of how you’ve handled the situation and created such a fulfilling life, as you said, you know, really poor credit to you and what I love about your story, is the fact that you’re now giving back and giving back, that’s all you know, you’re essentially helping others, to help them through difficult times, or, you know, struggling circumstances to help them flourish and thrive and so it’s just so beautiful. It like as much as you, you’ve just really just like it, I think it really comes down to that, out of adversity can come greatness, and certainly, you really leave to that statement. Thanks for what you’re doing today. So please share more about what you’re doing today and helping others through their struggles, helping them thrive.

Wayne Forrest 17:31
Yeah, and that is getting people in touch and then if we use COVID, as a good example, yeah, you know, there’s a lot going on with COVID, it’s making people fear is skyrocketing and a lot of people’s families, there’s no, not taking anything away from the people that are losing their lives from it as well. But we have to connect with what we’re, what would we love? At the moment, we’re giving too much power to COVID? Or the circumstances? You know, it would be really easy for me to identify with breaking my neck and being in a wheelchair, and focusing on that, right? And what am I going to create? I’m going to create more struggle in my life and with COVID, we’re doing the same thing.

There’s a lot of focus on COVID and what’s going wrong and what dangers there are and I want to give a little bit of a teaching around how our brain works and, and how them the media is manipulating that, and always has done for many years, because we have got this part of the brain that is quite old, ancient, and we call it the lizard brain or the ancient brain and it was back when we were cavemen and its job was to keep us safe. So we had the saber-toothed tiger that was going to pounce on us and eat us and we had to be quick and run to get away from that and we had to use our instincts to do that. Which we still do but we haven’t got the saber-toothed tiger.

Now we’ve got COVID or we’ve got what are those people saying to us or saying about us? And that’s our fear and the media and the news know that this is how our brain works because they want to sell us advertising. Right? So they are using the fear of principle of, of keeping that going and us because when they know that our brains going to be focusing on that and be alert and go, oh shit, we need to know about that. Right? So what I propose is that we stop giving that fear power by, first of all, taking a breath. If you’ve ever watched Animal Planet men, and you see those antelopes, being chased by a leopard, or a tiger, or, or whatever, as soon as they’re out of danger, they breathe.

They taken a deep breath, and they relax the nervous system. How many? How many humans are doing that at the moment? Not many, right? So when you do that, you can then ask yourself, am I in danger, right In this moment? Unless there’s someone behind you with a bloody big knife that’s going to stab you in the back, or a bloody saber-toothed tiger in your bathroom, that’s ready to pounce on you, you’re not in danger. Unless you’ve got COVID right now, maybe if you’ve got health problems, or whatever the symptoms are with that, you might be in danger.

But if you haven’t got the symptoms, then you’re not right in this moment. So take a breath and then what would you love to create? You know, we don’t get asked that question as kids and society, you know, we get told what we should create as, as, what do my parents think I should do? Or what do my friends say I should do? Or what should my schooling say I should do or my degree. So I do, can do and when very rarely ask ourselves, what would I love and I accidentally did that. When I was in that hospital bed, I asked, I knew what I loved. And that was the farm. It was always my first love.

And that’s what helped pull me into that possibility of creating that. Alright, and at the moment, we need to direct our attention on something that we would love if we aren’t in danger. Right? Instead of focusing on what the news is going to say, what pending danger we might be in? Yes, I’m not saying they aren’t there. I’m not saying that, that this is a real danger. Yes, but majority of us aren’t in direct danger, right in this moment. So they are two things that that I like to help people create is that love. I got a little bit sidetracked on the on that conversation of the COVID. But yeah, I help people connect to what they would love to create in life, and then I help them live into that possibility and become, will come from that place.

Anthony Hartcher 23:44
That’s incredible and it’s much needed in these times, we find ourselves because most people are still affected by COVID in some way today and it’s, as you said, it’s not focusing on the the fear mongering that the media do or the politicians would like us to believe, it’s really time for people to start thinking about the life that they would love to live and, and that’s what you essentially help them discover, is the life that they’d love to live and then you help them along that journey to get to that place. Whether it be a place or feeling that they’re living a life. Feel.

Wayne Forrest 24:31
Sorry, Anthony, just to add on that, you know, it’s it’s helping them live into their, their true potential and their birthright. We all have that ability to do and create a life we absolutely love and, you know, when not the circumstances of what’s going on, and I think it’s really important for people to actually start to think and not give our circumstances or situations power. That’s, that’s the thing that can really help people start to create things that they really enjoy.

Anthony Hartcher 25:18
Where’s the best starting place for this to happen like, because people can feel just overwhelmed about or they may start thinking about that life that they would love to be living in, however, then they start that that other side of them, or that part of their brain is telling them, oh, that’s not possibly get real, you know, be realistic and so what, where’s a good starting place? That is enough for someone to really just start on this journey, so to speak, you know, they may be very focused on all the things all the hardships that have occurred to them during COVID. How do they break that cycle, so to speak, and really start moving in the direction that they want to be?

Wayne Forrest 26:07
It’s great question, and there’s only one real answer is to source, source people that have done it. You know, there’s coaches, there’s more and more coaches out there that are helping people create what they want. There’s the if it’s a business, or if it’s a relationship, create friends that have got what you want, and not in a way of, of envy, actually celebrate what they’ve got and that starts to be contagious. We, as human beings, our energy, and quantum physics, metaphysics is proving this, that when we are around certain energies, we become those energies as well, you know and so, if you want to create something, surround yourself with people that have done it.

Because there’s bound to be someone around you that’s done it, or you source someone like myself, or other coaches out there, or programs that are going to help you live into that vibration and possibility of what you want to create. Because I know there’s no one that can’t, there’s no one that that hasn’t got that ability. The only thing and I like to put it this way. There’s abundance in this universe, there’s, there’s, you look at nature and how it’s so beautiful and, and flowers bloom and there’s, if it’s left alone, there’s abundance and ecosystems and, and how it all works, right? That is our birthright, we are no different.

The only thing that’s stopping our birthright is ourselves and that the limitations and you talked about their voice in our head, that is saying, I can’t do this, I haven’t got the education for this, or I’ve never done it before or I’m too dumb or there’s so many of it you know, versions of I’m not good enough. Mate I had that voice in my head so many times and I still do it at times. Especially when I’m pushing into that scary green growing age of creating something new. Right? It is actually part of the journey and, and I’m but I what I do know now that it’s not, it’s not real, therefore, it’s, it’s the committee’s human conditioning of my upbringing of my parents beliefs or religion, beliefs or schooling beliefs that I’ve taken on as a little boy and and now it’s saying, ah, this is new, window like new, we like to be safe.

It’s same part of the brain that’s trying to protect us from the saber toothed tiger and we start at heart starts to beat faster and we’re going oh shit, right. Pardon my language but but that’s pretty much what their nervous systems doing and the best way to, to calm ourselves down is to learn to breathe properly and that is that deep breath into the bottom of the stomach and my mentor says blow through a straw and it doesn’t have to be because there’s different kinds of breathing out there and a lot of people say two and four, or four and six.

Just do what’s comfortable for you, you know, just relax. Just relax the nervous system and then ask yourself, am I in danger right now? And if you’re not, then live life because we all had a birth date and we’re all got a death date and, as we know, is not a hell of a lot of time in between, because when you get over 50, shit the day seem to go fast. Right? So cloudy, love it every moment and worry about that when it really is shutting, you know, when that fear is or that thing is happening to us, then worry about it, then and not in the meantime.

Anthony Hartcher 31:18
And in terms of what are the most profound limiting beliefs that you had that you had to work through?

Wayne Forrest 31:24
Oh, that shame that wasn’t good enough. It’s, it’s the big one is an I. Funny, your ask that, Anthony, because the big one is the one that also created the opportunity for me to have that accident and that was I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t big enough, or strong enough, or you know, and just put them in context with a story that I’ve said at the beginning, had a teammate that have retired. But he played club rugby to quite a high level and was in representative rugby as well and he filled in for a set day and came onto the field because I hurt my arm and said come on Forri come off, which was my nickname and I can remember the voice my head saying, No, don’t let him show you up.

I’m not good enough. He’s going to show me up and I’m captain and I submissed him and said, I no no I’m all good and then only a couple minutes later, I went into that tackle and the voice again, they’ve got their hands on the ball said to me, you know, don’t let them have the ball. Okay, you have to prove that you’re stronger than anyone else and that thoughts, just put me in that moment of danger and bang and then it’s showing up and everything I’ve created that I wasn’t very good at school, I wasn’t, you know, I wasn’t very studious, I can’t create that, oh, I have to do something hard because I’ve had to work hard all my life. It’s all forms of that I’m not good enough and I think we all have some sort of form of that, in our lives.

Anthony Hartcher 33:50
This amazing episode of Me&My health up, was interrupted by technology. Yes, we experienced a few technical glitches during this episode. However, Wayne has generously offered up his time to do another take on this episode. So we’re going to do a part two and in part two, we’re going to help you discover and allow your abilities within you to thrive. So you might have these undiscovered abilities within you that you haven’t come across yet.

Or you might have these abilities within you that you’ve been stuck and you haven’t been able to showcase to the world. So in part two of this awesome series with Wayne Forrest, we’re going to be helping you on this journey to thrive from adversity. So thank you for listening to another episode of Me&my health up, really appreciate it and please share it with others that you know, that could benefit from Wayne twist and we would love you to share it broadcasted out there because Wayne has terrific points he’s made throughout this episode and would love to get it out to more people So at least share with others and look forward to seeing you on the next episode of Me&My health up.

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